Time Lapse...

I pulled up outside his house, across the street. And of course, just because I was jumping out of my skin, he was sitting on his front porch. Oh boy. He had sunglasses on but I knew he was staring right at me. Right through me. I shut the car off, tried to seem like I was acting someone normal and got out of the car to see him. After over twenty years. My heart was just pounding so hard it almost hurt and fast, it was beating very fast. He got up out of his chair and came towards me. HE still had that swagger when he walked. Oh holy Hell. Breathe, just breathe. We met on the sidewalk and I just wrapped my arms around him and didn’t want to let go. He smelled wonderful. He felt wonderful right in my arms. My body was dancing inside. The girls upstairs in my head, they were wide awake and watching. You know, the devil on my shoulder, my trouble making alter ego and then the sweet and innocent one….yeah, we fight a lot. We finally pulled apart and we both took off our sunglasses. My stomach dropped and my heart skipped a few beats when I looked into his. Breathe. This is not going to end well. His eyes were mesmerizing to me, the same as they had been over twenty years ago. Time had absolutely no meaning this day, so I cannot tell you how long we walked around his house and stopped and stared into each other’s eyes. Both of us just could not believe that we were standing in the same room together at the same moment. You have to understand the dynamics that go along with this whole relationship of ours. I don’t think anyone else in the world but the two of us can really know the whole powerful driving force behind it all. When we were 14 years old, 26 years ago, we dated. We were head over heels madly in love, you could not separate us for nothing. We had such a strong powerful sexual chemistry together, it didn’t seem real. AT 14 years old? Really? Kids don’t know what love is at that age. But I did. I am pretty sure he did. We had our own private jokes, our nicknames, our song. IT really was my first true love. And then, as life happens, it was too good to be true. My father was stationed overseas in England and I was ordered by the court to go live with him. It was not that I was moving away, I was oceans away. Another time zone. I died the day I left and vowed to never love anyone again. Well, what does a silly little teenage girl in love know right? So time went on….we saw each other once during my senior year in high school and once 4 years after that, both for a very short time, both not knowing, both still wanting. Now, fast forward about 20 years, and we find each other on the wonderful world of the Internet on social media. Getting the courage to drive up to see him took everything I had because I knew deep inside what I still felt for him. I knew. Deep in my knotted up guts. One look and I was lost again. Sigh. OK, back to the matter at hand…staring, tension. Chemistry. If someone had walked into the kitchen at that precise moment, they would have been hit smack in the face with a huge wall of tension building up. You could have cut it with a knife it was so thick. When he touched my hand, every nerve ending gave me a little jolt. My hands were shaking. His eyes, clouded and dark. When we finally got the nerve to be face to face and lean in for a kiss, the world just about fell out from underneath me. Both of us felt it, both of us gasped for air and my knees turned to jello. It really was him. Here. In the flesh. In person. Oh Hell this is going to be a long ass weekend. SO that night, we made love, we had sex, we fucked, we let out 20 years of built up aggression and hurt and pain of our lives and it was wonderful. And the man has not lost his oral skills. So, I have not been privy to too many men in my life that one – have any oral skills at all, or two – the only meaning of eating involves a sandwich. Not This guy. Not my cowboy. He knows what it is and how to do it and he loves it. And oh how I love that he loves it. I love men that know how to eat peaches. So the next two days, we spent doing a little site seeing but mostly in the house, learning each others bodies, getting to know one another, sitting on the porch smoking and talking. Those times are moments I will cherish forever. He listens and he talks and that is very rare to find in a man. I fell in love all over again and had absolutely no control over stopping it. I tried, oh believe me I tried. Why would I want to put myself into a situation where I was living with someone I was now questioning my life with and wanting with every ounce of my being to be with someone else? And that lived 3-4 hours away. Why would I want to put myself there? I didn’t. But I did. It just happened. We agreed to just let happen whatever happens. Well that was not supposed to happen. But I am so glad that it did. I might have never known and I would have been robbed for the rest of my life of the pleasure of being with him, both physically, emotionally, mentally. I would have been pissed if someone took that away from me. So I never told him that I loved him when I was there. I never told him I fell back in love until it was time for me to leave. I never let him know how I felt, because to me, it was asking for trouble. In my mind, I knew he did not really feel the same way. In my mind, there was no way he would want to keep spending time with me when I could only come and see him every once in a while. And in my mind, there was no way he could love someone like me. I didn’t have anything special to offer. I was a normal joe blow. I don’t know. I talked to him a little on the computer that night I went home and I knew that it was more than just physical for him too. That relieved me a little. I am not really sure what he sees in there that he likes to much and nor do I care. But he gets me. And he can read me like a book. Holy crap can he read me. And damn can he move. He threw me off one day when he put on a pair of tight ripped up blue jeans. Tight jeans that he wore from 1980-something. The jeans I used to get wet over. They still fit him. He still looked amazing in them, tight, outlining things I liked to look at…and he still had all the moves. And this girl still melted inside. OK. Until next time…raw and ready?